


Choke On My Sins

by SophisticatedCat



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Pre-War Bucky Barnes, Prostitution, Roommates, not helplessly codependent Steve & Bucky, really not happy times at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 18:09:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6917716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophisticatedCat/pseuds/SophisticatedCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Despite what they’d like to believe, they could both use a little help.</p><p>Steve thinks Bucky's on a date tonight.</p><p>The ruse works, Bucky’s used it a few times before.</p><p>Like when the heating went out two winters ago.</p><p>When they couldn’t pay the rent, and the landlord threatened, meekly, to throw them out.</p><p>Luckily, there were still some rich assholes in this dreary city. Rich assholes who were ready to pay a lot of money to fuck him, to fuck with him."</p><p>Bucky's thoughts as he walks home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choke On My Sins

**Author's Note:**

> I actually posted this on tumblr like a year and a half ago.
> 
> I remember being fond of it, so I posted it here too.

_For Steve_

Bucky reminds himself as he limps down the cold, yellow lit Brooklyn street.

The last guy had been the worst yet. A rich cocky asshole with no care for Bucky’s safety. All he wanted was a cheap piece of ass….literally.

Bucky’s legs burn. There’s a soreness in a place he really wants to avoid thinking about.

_For Steve_

He reminds himself, his pocketed hand feeling the crumpled bills.

It’s getting colder. Winter. The season when Steve needs the most help.

The little blond would never admit it, and he often tells Bucky that he’s fine. He reassures his friend through wheezing breaths. He smiles and laughs despite the cold in his toes and the circles under his eyes.

It’s been like that since they were kids: Bucky tries so desperately to give Steve everything he deserves. Steve thanks him but insists he doesn’t need it.

Despite what they’d like to believe, they could both use a little help.

Steve thinks he’s on a date tonight.

The ruse works, Bucky’s used it a few times before.

Like when the heating went out two winters ago.

When Steve’s shoes needed mending during a particularly rainy spring.

When they couldn’t pay the rent, and the landlord threatened, meekly, to throw them out.

Luckily, there were still some rich assholes in this dreary city. Rich assholes who were ready to pay a lot of money to fuck him, to fuck with him.

_For Steve_

Bucky thinks as he tightens his scarf around the quickly forming bruises around his throat.

He stops in front of the rickety building. He blinks away the hot tears that sear his eyes. Bucky doesn’t know how long they’ve been lingering, just out of his line of sight.

Bucky begins his slow journey up the creaking, wooden steps.

He kicks the cinder block, exposing the key. A new pain shoots up his leg, swearing invisible burns into his flesh.

He calms his expression, and steps inside.

Steve’s still awake.

“Hi.” Bucky greets his friend, pulling the door closed tightly, keeping the cold from Steve.

“Hi.” Steve sniffles to accentuate the greeting. _Not again, you punk._ Bucky thinks, willing the illness away.

Bucky clenches his teeth, hidden behind his lips, as he walks across the flat, trying not to limp too obviously.

Bucky walks into the shared bedroom. He pulls the heavy clothes off his body as quickly as his aches will allow. He pulls on long johns and a sweater. Not his most fashionable look, but he’s fucking cold. He tries to ignore the faint speckles of blood as he pulls the bills out of his pants pocket.

_For Steve_

He flips through the bills before tucking them safely between the mattress and the floor.

He’ll buy food and pay the landlord tomorrow.

The idea of being caught up on rent and buying Steve a sweet or two relieves the aches for a bit. 

Finally, slowly, Bucky lifts his sore body from the mattress and walks back to join Steve on the sofa. He doesn’t want Steve to notice something, but hiding is more suspicious than chatting.

“How’d it go?” Steve asks casually. Not looking up from his book.

“Good.” Bucky consciously injects warmth into his words, words that fight desperately to come out cold and bitter.

Steve looks up from his book. The cover snaps against the pages as Steve closes it. Bucky’s stomach sinks when Steve looks up at him with wide worried eyes.

“Where were you?” Steve asked. He’s trying to sound stern, but Bucky notices the fear in his voice.

“I told you, I was on a date.” Bucky smiles around the lie.

“Clara came about an hour ago. She asked about you, said she’d hadn’t seen you in a few days." 

"Oh. I went with Victoria.” Bucky wills the blood to return to his face and fingers.

“Oh.” Steve opens his book and begins sketching again. “I think Clara really likes you. Maybe you should talk to her tomorrow. She sounded hurt when I told her you went out.” Steve sounds disappointed, and it breaks Bucky’s heart.

“Yeah. Clara’s nice.” Bucky says. The words come out hollow. Bucky’s mind is circling around the lies he’s just told. He regrets each one. They feel sour on his tongue and prompt a tightens in his gut.

The apartment is silent now, except for Steve’s pencil. Bucky’s heart beats powerfully. He feels it resonating through all his bruises and marks. Sometimes he glances at Steve, just to check that his thrumming pulse isn’t actually audible. 

They sit like that for far too long. Steve sketching silently, and Bucky’s pulse threatening to burst through his skin. Part of Bucky wants to break, to cry into Steve’s arms and tell him what he’s been through, to tell Steve that everything is okay. 

_For Steve_

Bucky reminds himself, swallowing his words, hiding them deep behind his lies. 

_For Steve_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Check out my tumblr: pocketbucky


End file.
